It only took a day for the first piece of batshittingly insane hate mail to arrive. And, holy hot fuck, it is delicious. He accuses me of lying about my name (I’m not; you guys can totally ask my mom) and then – here’s where it gets really good – I apparently stole “Stevie J” BECAUSE RACISM.
I mean, obviously.
Here we are. In its entirety.
From: Stevie J. <stevie96r@gmail.com>
Subject: What’s in a name?
Message Body:
Congratulations on another successful theft of intellectual property! First, there was Stevie J Wonder, a black man [and musical genius] ~then there was me, Stevie J Kyles [another black man of lesser acclaim]. Both conceived LONG before you were even thought of ~yet, you take it upon yourself to steal, copy, plagiarize and otherwise acquire [under false pretenses, and without due compensation] the property of black ingenuity ~the coolest name on he planet! Shame on you, white lady, shame on you …indeed!
Seriously. How FUCKING AWESOME is the level of crazy town this guy lives in?
RT
LMAO!! You attract the worst of the lunatics out there for some reason, must be your boobs attracting other boobs,
Wait… What’s that leftist idiot talking about? Isn’t West your real last name?
Yes. It’s my real last name. Stevie Jo West.
He is batshit but it has to be a joke because Stevie Wonder’s (not birth name) is Hardaway. No J. But you seriously find the very best wing nuts.
Stevie Wonder = Steveland B. Morris
How dare you! I was Stevie J. East in the 90′s as a swing dancing cocktail waitress! Plagiarizing, racist….witch! ***cough**
Thank you so much!.!.! I needed a little psychobabble today – and the Shameful White Lady delivers!.!.!
This sounds awfully sexist. When will we finally answer Bros before Hos?
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Heh.
I am fucking crying at the moment. Thank you for reprinting this slice of awesome.
I’d rather not see either of the other Stevie J’s naked. Does that make me a racist homophobe?
Ah, yep. I looked it up in the Crazy Black Guy manual. You are guilty of Racism because you decided to be born to white parents. Repent your sin now. Of course, you can’t help being Caucasian anymore than Crazy black dude can help being black/negro/colored/whatever the going flavor of the decade is.
Obviously no one, ever, in the whole wide Humanverse ever could think of the name Stevie J by themselves. You stole it from them just to take their greatness away. Didn’t you?
Repent you evil, white devil. And send your reparations…I mean…offering check, to the Rainbow Push thugs to make amends today. Or you can just burn it in a fire pit. A much better use of your money I should think, but I digress.
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Jeez, what’s with all the spam on here and comments from people for whom English is definitely a fourth language? Anyhow, I’m kind of relieved, I thought you were stealing Stevie Ray Vaughan’s first name, which really would have been racist, because, what, can’t you find inspiration from anyone but a white guy?
Hmmm, well, lets see. I posted the “original message” months ago, as an inside joke between me and my twinsie, and now I come back and see that you have reposted it – not saying that it was a joke YOU KNEW AT THE TIME to be a joke ~instead making it seem as though I am some sort of leftist stalker, when you know nothing could be further from the truth? Really, Stevie J? Really?
This is disappointing …but life goes on.
I have no idea what you’re talking about.